Lolly birthday live 💜

hello!! it’s been a while since we’ve posted a blog entry!!

actually, we meant to post about amuse fes last month, but i ended up being so wiped out from everything that it’s still not up... I’m sorry!! I’ll share it in the next couple days, even though it’s late!! 😭😭

but while it’s fresh in my mind, i wanted to talk about my birthday live, which happened a couple days ago on the date of my actual birthday (1st feb)! what luck.

to be honest, i was feeling pretty anxious about this birthday live, for a couple of reasons....

1) this was our first event after a-muse fes, and i’d wondered and hoped if i’d been able to recharge enough to perform well, from my perspective. from the audience’s end, i was hoping amuse fes didn’t burn people out too much.

2) in a sense, with a birthday live being so self-centric, i feel like it’s easy to get caught up in the live being a reflection of yourself and how others see you. to be honest, i feel like i intrude a lot, am standoffish and struggle to interact with people at shows, so i kept worrying no one would show up because no one liked me.... even so i tried tucking it away into the back of my mind, because I didn‘t want that feeling to impact or take over my enjoyment of the night. besides, when i’m in organiser mode and running around putting the event together, it feels easy to shove feelings away. the end, though, i felt like i didn’t have to worry about that too much, because i was so genuinely touched by everyone’s efforts at the live.

where do i start? the flower stand, I suppose. i knew something was up when rinya told me to come check the aircon, but when they opened the doors, it was really the last thing i was expecting...

for those who don’t know, flowerstands are a common occurrence at idol lives in japan, particularly for important events like big shows or birthday events. they’re usually rather detailed, very showy and pretty, and usually very expensive because of the effort that goes into them. explaining them to an australian florist is usually difficult as it’s not commonplace here., for you all to arrange one yourselves?! i think if i was alone i might have cried of happiness, but i genuinely didn’t know how to react because i was so surprised. I always thought, “one day i’d like to have a flowerstand for amuse, but i guess here that’s too difficult...” so to see one personally addressed to me so soon really made me feel some kind of way (as the kids say). in that split second, looking at this physical manifestation of... care? from others, i felt my worries melt away in an instant. it was the pacifier i really needed before the event.

but enough of that, i want to share pictures of it! because everyone did such a good job!